As a quick side note, due to a hectic schedule, this post has sat in drafts for so long that it now feels irrelevant, but I worked hard on it, and I still feel passionately about it. I will post it, but I also respect that the nation is on fire right now, and that is the hot topic. I usually stay away from them, but this time, I am ready to share what has proven to be a very unpopular opinion. So read on, hit follow, and stay tuned for my thoughts on George Floyd.
I rarely engage in facebook comment wars. It is legitimately like
arguing with banging your head against a brick wall. There are no winners, just headaches. However, as humans, sometimes we just cannot help ourselves.
The Photo That Started It All
I am very well aware that some people see this photo and choke back vomit. I used to be one of them. It is never fun, as a woman, to see a man above you, in front if you, and even beside you at times. The knee jerk reaction here is that hes superior. Then you factor in Christ and the whole thing goes down like a spoonful of peanut butter.
As you can imagine the comment section was raging
Did we travel to the 1950s?
Uh no, never ever in my home.
Husband and Wife are equal!
God is a mythical being!All the vomiters.
Guys, I get it. 100%. The point I tried to urge was simply to view it from a separate perspective. I’ve provided that perspective below and I really invite you guys to give me your thoughts.
I will forewarn you, I get a little preachy, with some stolen material from my pastor, at Pathway Church (check their website out here if you like the material, there are recorded messages and all kinds of fun stuff to look at). This explanation is what converted me from a vomiting protester of the image, to someone who sees it as something to aspire to, when life hands me a deck of cards that I can apply the above method of marriage to.
To spare you a sermon, I am not including specific bible verses. I also try not to do that because God Himself knows I am not a subject matter expert in that area. Even if I read the Bible cover to cover, I usually need someone to explain it to me in terms that I can understand, a couple times.. no shame here.. God already knows he made me somewhat slow to comprehend.
God the Father
We are all taught in the south that God is the one and only, he made everything, he so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son, etc. What my Baptist upbringing failed to really emphasize, though, is that God is first and foremost a Father. When you put the caps on it, it seems really formal. But seriously, He’s a dad. And if you didn’t have a great one to compare, just know He’s everything that guy was not. He is the hallmark channel Father. The dad from Taken? And His skills are not to be toyed with either.
Keeping that perspective, think about the Bible and the rules and guidelines laid out within it. While it can seem overwhelming and overbearing, is that not how we all felt about our parents at some point (again, if your parents sucked, dont compare, also message me and let’s talk about it because man that’s a hard hand of cards to get dealt)? While we 100% rebelled and pushed the envelope, as adults we can admit that our parents enforced their rules and standards because they loved us. They knew what was out in the world and what kind of hurt we were inevitably going to face, and they did their best to minimize the risk.
When God gives us directives in the Bible, He is being a dad. He wants us to be safe and loved and happy, and at our best so that we can fulfill our purpose and lead more people to him. Have you ever tried to help someone while everything inside you was breaking in two? I have. While it can be accomplished, it’s not my best work, and it thoroughly exhausts me, and I start to resent the person in need.
That is not the way God wants us to live. So he created a box. A box of safety. As fallen and sinful humans we dont want to be in a box.
And let me tell you a secret… God knows we are going to rebel. He knows we are going to fight it. He loves us anyway, in fact I really think He watches us with annoyed pride, thinking, “it’s so cute how they resist.”
But I also believe that chuckle and grin gives way to unresounding despair when we hurt. If you’re a parent, even though you told the kiddo not to touch the stove.. are you angry when they do? Or are you scared, hurt, and hating to see them hurt? It’s the exact same.
So. Let’s go back to this picture.
This is more or less directly taken from the Bible as the safety box God designed for our marriages. Key word: marriage. Don’t think American Fighter Adam is going to do right by you after dating a week and submit to him in this way. What many people fail to take into account are all all the other marriage directives given about choosing a partner.
The model above works beautifully when the positions are held by choice, except where kids are concerned.. because.. well, life ain’t fair, bud. I’ve witnessed this model in action, and I’ve never seen a stronger marriage. I’ve never seen a stronger or more confident woman/wife. Guys, i promise she is not cowered, making sammiches, and giving unrequited back rubs. She is a force of nature, a woman in full fulfilling the purpose she wants to fulfill, and being a damn rockstar while doing it.
The reason this setup fails is not design flaw. Its humanities flaw. Like I said, AF Adam? Not the same Adam from the Beginning, though I stay unsure of that guy. He was awful quick to throw Eve under the bus, deserved or otherwise. He was messy, and triflin’ (God my daughter is going to read this one day and send me a separate message each time I say things like that to ensure I realize how lame I was/am/will be.
Let’s Discuss via Other Viewpoints
Yall thought that Baptist took over huh? Thought I forgot about the nonbelievers because I cannot fathom such a person exists? Think again. My entire post is because I still dont understand why even a mon believer cannot acknowledge that peope can live in this structured relationship dynamic and be happy. This was my pointless argument. I would include screenshots, but i really try to keep the four letter words to a minimum here, especially in a post that I’ve capitalized He more than I’ve left it lowercase.
It would seem that feminism today means that you cannot under any circumstances understand or tolerate anything conventional. This does not just apply to modern feminism, but really to the entire culture America is shifting to, and guys, it is ruining the whole country. I am a feminist, but I am also traditional in the way I want to live my life and choose to follow tradition when life allows. I’m a woman with two kids, two different dads, that has never been married. That annoyed chuckle and head shake? Pretty much God’s default “Jess” expression. I’ve tried to get as far away from the model as possible, and I’ve tried to follow it to a T. Neither worked because in was kidding the critical element.
A significant other who was worthy of me in general, and worthy of my submission to him.
God saw fit to bless me with my beautiful children anyway, and I know they are going to make amazing humans, that contribute something big to the world.
But, if we remove the preachy preaching and remove the word Christ from the photo, the bottom line is that no one can know another person’s life, their choices, and what makes them happy, until they’re told. What scares me is that our society is developing a knee jerk reaction to reject conventional ideas. I love pushing the envelope, don’t get me wrong, but I also really like my old school way of living in my day to day life. That doe snot make me an unhappy oppressed woman. That just makes me partial to that type of dynamic. Live your best life guys, because this is getting crazy in 2020 and it’s too short to do anything else. However, please stop demonizing people living a conventional life without even speaking to them about it and then have the nerve to call yourself a humanitarian, or feminist.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk and I am so sorry it was so delayed! Life always happens.